Rooster Cogburn, meet Robert Marmaduke Sangster Hightower.
He’s the picture of tough-guy masculinity, but John Wayne almost certainly had a funny bone. The swaggering Western movie icon was all too happy to partake in a muddy brawl in “McLintock!” And don’t tell me he didn’t think Rooster Cogburn’s scowl and eye patch combo was a match made in comedy heaven. Foremost in The Duke’s comedic repertoire? His effortless ability to carry off truly unhinged character names — names that couldn’t (shouldn’t!) exist in real life. From the aggressively suave (‘Guns’ Donovan) to the downright ridiculous (Quirt Evans), we’ve compiled all the best, most iconic John Wayne character names and evaluated each one for style, syntax and, in some cases, cultural impact.
Below, you’ll find all-time-great monikers from some all-time-great films and plenty of early B Westerns. There are elaborate, four-word names and rhyming pairs that will leave your tongue in knots. There are also single-syllable couplets and bizarre word combinations that serve as seriously cool Old West epithets. We’ve left out the names of real-life figures that The Duke has played on the grounds that we’re looking for invention here. (William Tecumseh Sherman makes for wonderful word salad. But it resulted from a mixture of real-life family names, not from the overworked brain of a 1940s studio writer.)
Whether he’s bringing you in hot or bringing you in cold, these are the greatest John Wayne character names of all time.
Rooster Cogburn – “True Grit” (1969), “Rooster Cogburn” (1975)
Reuben J. ‘Rooster’ Cogburn is just funny enough to warrant sympathy. The drunken, one-eyed U.S. Marshal was John Wayne’s only Oscar-winning role, and one which he reprised in 1975’s “Rooster Cogburn.”
Taw Jackson – “The War Wagon” (1967)
With a name like Taw, you can understand why this is one of John Wayne’s only “loser” characters. Five years after he was shot, robbed and thrown in jail, Taw Jackson teams with his assailant, Lomax (Kirk Douglas), to stage the wagon heist of the century.
George Washington ‘G.W.’ McLintock – “McLintock!” (1963)
George Washington McLintock is one of the stuffiest, funniest all-American names imaginable. There’s the first president of it all, then the addition of a little Scotch-Irish for some Southern flair. And don’t get us started on his estranged wife, Katherine Gilhooley McLintock. Supremely goofy stuff.
Once again, Lee Marvin has the superior character name as Liberty Valance. But the near-rhyme of Tom Doniphon is begging for recognition. He’s the origin of John Wayne’s “pilgrim” catchphrase.
John Wayne and Sophia Loren famously lacked chemistry in this Saharan desert adventure, but whoever came up with Joe January as a stand-in for Average Joe deserves a medal